What I’ve learnt from Dry January

*Short disclaimer: I drank three times in January, technically a failure but also still of an achievement – 3 isn’t 31 people! Okay, it was four.*

I can’t be the only person that has woken up at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon, dribble down my face, a hazy memory of the evening before and a strong will to leave my own body. Manically googling jobs in Canada because the hangover guilt is so terrible that I never want to speak to anybody I may have seen again, right?

It’s no secret that Drunk Claire is ruining my life, so after the Christmas binge – I decided to embark on the daunting adventure that is Dry January. I’ve learned many things, most of which are trivial but also some important lessons that will stay with me in the future (we hope).

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Here are the things I’ve been mulling over, in this DULL and HOPELESS month:

  1. I am offered an obscene amount of free alcohol – IT’S EVERYWHERE.
  2. I get drunk for the sake of it so often – Every Friday night I leave work moulding my plans around drinking. It’s been nice to wake up feeling fresh and actually be productive on the weekend.
  3. We’re all aware that drinking is expensive but nobody seems to mention the cost of a hangover! Pot Noodles, cheeky takeaways and cherry Tango add up you know.
  4. Breaking the seal is nothing compared to drinking two pints of water. This entire month has been a constant trip to the bathroom.
  5. With that being said, we drink an excessive amount of liquid during an average night out. In what world would you drink 6 pints of juice in the space of four hours? (Worried about exposing my binge drinking to the world – obviously, have never had 6 pints in one day😳)15032892_10154042472241662_2050351731904795784_n
  6. Cooking is more fun with wine and The Pointer Sisters. That is a fact.
  7. Hangovers have a much bigger effect than I’d ever thought. I found that I still feel horrendous on a Wednesday if I’ve been drinking Friday and Saturday and I’ve found a definite improvement in my sleeping pattern and energy.
  8. AND my mood. I’m sure many of you have had a grumpy moment during a night out or woken up in the morning hating absolutely everything about your life. I think we often forget that alcohol is a depressant and it does have negative side effects if abused.17498438_1323542611058619_209970759052647722_n.jpg
  9. I was excited about losing some weight with ease as this is supposed to be one of the perks of putting down the drinks. This didn’t happen, but with that being said – I have replaced drinking with eating great food 6 times a day soooo…
  10. Whilst we’re on the subject – I’ve realised this month that I am never going to go to the gym. This was my chance to finally step on a cross-trainer (or whatever it is that you healthy folk do) and I just didn’t. I’ll just stick to always choosing the stairs I guess.3.jpg
  11. Loads of TV shows revolve around dating. I’m putting this in here as I’ve spent a small sum of this month filling pub-time with The Naked Attraction, First Dates and One Night with My Ex. In hindsight, drinking is probably better for my health.
  12.  There is plenty of time in the day, I am just failing to be productive.
  13. When I have made it out to the pub, I’ve found that it really is no different. I just tend to sing ABBA slightly less.
  14. I’ve always thought that I’ve relied on alcohol for confidence and although I think this is absolutely the case in some situations, this month has given me the understanding that there are social situations in which I am completely comfortable sober. It’s reaffirmed my knowlege that there is no point in me getting blind drunk just to have fun – which is something that I will be trying my very best not to do from now on.
  15. I remember the first time I ever tasted vodka – I was convinced that I’d never drink because alcohol tastes RANK. I’ve found that this is no longer the case and I actually enjoy the taste of some alcohol. Particularly; red wine, prosecco and a chilled Red Stripe. (Check me out being so grown up)
  16. My final lesson has to be that January 2018 has lasted for ten months. I can’t be the only person that has been counting down the days of Jan and honestly, I don’t think it’s because I haven’t been drinking, it’s just a dreary month in general.

This has definitely been a positive experience, particularly as I’ve found it much easier than I thought I would. It’s a work in progress but it has improved my attitude towards alcohol which can only be a good thing. Alongside this, it has also urged me to try and keep trying to better my health and wellbeing where I can, so maybe you will see some gym selfies on the old gram after all.

I find that we have an unhealthy drinking culture in Britain, we’re encouraged to drink from such a young age and the idea that it is directly linked with having fun is instilled into us from the very beginning. I’m not saying that we should be alcohol free health nuts that eat hemp seeds and spend their weekends at craft fairs (actually me tho) but I think there could be great benefits from cutting down and improving our approach to drinking.

Make a change in 2018: tips for being waste free!

Often when we hear the term “waste-free” our minds wander to images of people that only eat food that they grow themselves, refuse to go into supermarkets and wear hemp clothes. Naturally, this isn’t the only way to be waste-free and you definitely don’t have to cut everything out immediately. Similarly to every other challenge that humans face, it’s a working progress.

I’m going to be making more of an effort to be waste-free wherever I can this year but I’m by no means there yet. There are so many small changes that can be made to improve the amount of waste we’re producing – so why not check some of them out and make a positive change today!

  1. Addicted to coffee? Buy a reusable cup.
    It became apparent to me a few weeks ago that I throw away around 300 coffee cups every single year, so I immediately purchased a reusable cup. They’re the exact same and most places give you a discount now for using them anyway – so it’s a win-win!
  2. While you’re there, grab reusable shopping bags and water bottles.
    It’s shocking how much we take for granted and throw away on a daily basis – purely for practicality. These are just a few of the minimal changes you can make to gradually become waste free.
  3. Shop at the Ethical Superstore.
    The Ethical Superstore have a number of great products for all aspects of life, designed to minimise waste.
  4. Use markets whenever you can!
    There are a number of benefits to using markets and green-grocers; you’re supporting small businesses, they’re often cheaper and many of them have products that aren’t packaged. Have you ever gotten home from the supermarket and realised that you’ve bought a sea of plastic back with you? Purchasing fruit and veggies in their natural packaging is a great way to combat this. It’s also a great way of reducing your food waste by only grabbing what you’ll definitely use!

    It’s worth noting that many supermarkets also have these options so you can continue to do this in your local chain – Sainsbury’s is particularly good when avoiding plastic.

  5. Cut out straws.
    Take a moment to think of the number of straws you use on a typical night out. Simply remove the straw or buy one that’s made of metal or bamboo.
  6. Paperless Billing -paperless everything!
    We’re living in a digital world in which everything is available online – switch your bills so that they’re paperless and avoid junk mail where you can. My only vito for this are books – because they bring me happiness in ways that a Kindle never can.

    However, if you’re not a sentimental weirdo like I am, get a Kindle!

  7. Recycle!
    Remember to recycle whatever you can – including lightbulbs, electronics and other items that may not be accepted in your local recycling bins.
  8. Buy secondhand.
    Try to purchase clothes and other essentials secondhand, although you may not be living a completely minimal lifestyle, at least you’ll be reusing perfectly acceptable products as opposed to contributing further to the exploitation of our resources.
  9. Switch up your toiletries,
    There are great zero-waste supermarkets places all over the UK that allow you to take in bottles to refill your shampoo, washing up liquid and many other household products that we often buy without thinking twice.

    Another great way of cutting down on this is using Lush products, their shampoo and conditioner bars are just some of their many fantastic, plastic free products. If you’re really committed to the cause, you could also make your own household items – but for now, I think I’ll stick to buying them ethically.

  10. Think about your period products.
    Naturally. it’s hard to ensure that your periods are completely waste free, however, there are steps you can take to ensuring they’re environmentally friendly. There are many options so if you’re thinking that mooncups might not be your thing – check out this link to find a range of sustainable period products.
  11. Repair things when they break!
    This is not only environmentally friendly but also economical: before jumping to chuck something out, check to see whether it can be fixed with ease, thus minimising the number of products you’re buying.

There are a multitude of other great ways that you can cut waste from your lifestyle, I’ll be giving these tips a go over the next month in the hopes of becoming waste-free and protecting our little planet in the future!

Let me know if you’re trying it too!

 

2017 Highlights

I started 2017 throwing up on a train platform, not the best start to the year, I’m sure you can imagine. The beginning of 2017 was a really tricky time for me and I lost hope that anything was going to get betterIt makes me laugh to look back now and think of how much of a sad mess I was being, walking home listening to Adele and questioning if everything will be crap forever.

2017 quickly became a pinnacle year in my life that stomped all over the catastrophe that was 2016.

Here are some highlights that stand out in particular:

Moved to Brighton

I finally made the move back to Brighton, something that I’d wanted to do since leaving in 2015. This was such a great thing for me mentally and helped to gain perspective back on not only what was important but also finding happiness in my everyday life. If you’re ever in doubt about where you are and have a niggling feeling that you should migrate somewhere else, take the risk and do it.

Got THE job 

I don’t know about any of you fellow graduates, but leaving uni and finding a job that I actually wanted to do and would get paid enough money for was really tricky. I spent a lot of my time in perfectly adequate jobs that my heart just wasn’t in. Luckily this year that all came to an end and I found a brilliant job that encompasses everything that I want to do.

Copenhagen 

I left the country for the first time on me own and had the best time. Met some really great Canadian people and got to experience how beautiful Copenhagen is. I also re-read the Harry Potter series while I was there which is always great fun.

Loads of great gigs! 

This year was also really great for music as I got to see Kate Nash twice (the actual dream) Laura Marling and Cypress Hill. Alongside this I was also lucky enough to catch some other really great gigs like Gentleman’s Dub Club, The Darkness (lul) and Four Owls. I also went to my first psytrance rave which was an interesting experience.

Boomtown

Naturally Boomtown makes the list as always. Best weekend of the year, every year.

Milo entered the world!  

Probably the best thing to have happened all century was the birth of Smiley Miley. My best pals made a little human and he is the greatest person in the world. I literally never knew that I could love anything more than puppies but apparently it can happen.

Moved in with gals

I have been lucky enough to move in with my best pals and live the 14 year old, let’s-get-a-flat dream. We’re a little noodle-loving family and it’s great.

Scotty Woodcock 

I have also met my dorky equivalent who makes me laugh everyday. But I’m awkward and strange about relationships so I’ll just swiftly move on.

Hit blogging targets (but also abandoned blog) 

I’ve tried not to worry too much about numbers during the sub-par running of this blog, however my “26 things you’ll understand if you’re still obsessed with Harry Potter”  post got shared by The Common Room. Naturally this was huge and I cried in a library purely because they’d shared it. But with this came a number of people that allowed me to double my blogging targets for the year.

After this I neglected my blog terribly and haven’t looked at it for months, I don’t know why I’m like this either. As I say every year, I’m going to make a real effort to keep it going this year – and try and improve my visual content I promise. 

Identified personal issues & started working to overcome them

I’ve been reflecting on who I am and how I can overcome things that I’m less than happy with. This has led me to set goals and work towards improving myself throughout the year. Funnily enough a huge part of this will be practicing self-love so wish me luck with that.

I’m feeling hopeful for 2018 and what it may bring, no matter how much of a cliche that may be. I hope that you’ve all had a Happy New Year and are feeling happy and excited for the year to come!

Stop Eagerly Awaiting Friday

As a short disclaimer, I don’t intend for this post to be insensitive or ignorant towards anybody that may be struggling for any reason. If anything I hope to encourage happiness in all of you that do read this. 

As I’m sure many of you are aware after so much complaining, often on this blog; I’m at an annoying age in which I’m constantly questioning my next step in life. Never truly living in the moment or appreciating what I have and always worrying that I’m not doing enough, not seeing enough or that I’m not as far ahead as I should be.

A month ago I realised that I was overlooking so much that is brilliant in my life and is a cause for celebration everyday. So with this in mind, I decided to film a second from a blissful moment of each day for the month of September – so that I could finally see the joy in the little things and stop focusing so much on what ifs and worries.

 

I realise now that whether it’s a night with friends, a relaxed evening in or just seeing puppies in the street – there is happiness to be found in the smallest things & it is around us every single day.

 

 

Confessions of a Bad Feminist

One of the best things I’ve ever read has to be a collection of essays by Roxane Gay, she is an absolute goddess and the mastermind behind “Bad Feminist.” It completely reaffirmed my beliefs and taught me a lot about how I conduct myself (particularly around other women.) There is nobody on this planet that I would not recommend this book to.

As a feminist, I often find myself thinking “that wasn’t very ‘feminist’ of you” as if that even means anything. I think it’s easy to get caught up in unwritten rules within a social movement and feel as if you’re doing something wrong. When realistically, as long as you’re supporting equality between every gender, you are a feminist.

It was however, amusing to collate the things that I thought made me a “bad feminist” so I thought it was only right to share them with you here.

 

Defending why I don’t want children 

I often find myself in conversation with people in which I state that having children really isn’t something that I’m interested in ever doing. The odd thing here being that in my head I know that this is completely okay and I have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. BUT then I seem to go on to say the words “I mean I probably will in the future, I guess I can never completely rule something out.”

Now for all I know I could wake up one cloudy Tuesday in 2024 and decide that all I want in the world is 2 kids and a holiday home in France so this isn’t a completely ridiculous statement to make.

The problem is that I only say these things to try and defend myself in front of certain people. There’s something in my crap feminist head that can’t bare that look of “oh…so you just don’t…want…kids?” So what I’m trying to confess is that I pretend I might one day want them so that my womb can feel better about itself. Sad, I know.

 

Defending my body hair (apparently I’m a very defensive person)

I’m an inherently lazy person. If I don’t absolutely have to do something, I simply won’t. So when it comes to body hair, all I’m saying is that I’m not going to spend an extra 20 minutes in the shower fixing something that is not broken.

And once again – as with the children – I AM OK WITH THIS. BUT. I find myself getting awkward when people mention it, I make an active effort to cover my legs in certain social situations and I have no idea why. It’s so frustrating to me that I clearly still care about these stupid social constructs.

To quickly clear this up, I’m not saying that all feminists have body hair or trying to encourage stupid stereotypes that should have never existed in the first place. I’m simply saying that if I’m comfortable with something within myself – why the heck am I still hiding it away?

 

Feeling accomplished when hearing the phrase “you’re not like other girls” 

WHY 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8aDO 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a WOMEN 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a FEEL 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a LIKE 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a THEY 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a HAVE 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a TO 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a COMPETE 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a WITH EACH 4aa391051958b3ef60ba7780e0466a8a OTHER?!

We should be praising and empowering each other, not putting one another down and accepting sub par compliments that single us out from everybody else. It really upsets me to admit that I used to be filled with joy at the sound of these words, as if I’d done something spectacular when realistically this is another way of saying “being a woman is a bad thing” congratulations, you’ve succeeded in beating the rest of them.

Don’t even get me started on the term “you *insert any verb* like a girl.”

 

Being in awe of an authoritative woman/thinking that a female is “too bossy” 

The fact that I look up to authoritative women will never be a bad thing, the thing that upsets me about this is that is constantly seems to come with a side dish of “wow, she actually got to this position of power – good for her.” As if having anything other than a male boss is an achievement. Another thing that is worth noting is that is the old “bossy” comment.

Now, I could be wrong, but I just need you to take a minute and try and think of any situation in which you’ve thought a man was being bossy in your workplace. Please tell me if you’ve found something. Because in my experience, a man telling their colleagues what to do is them doing their job. A woman on the other hand, is being bossy. If this isn’t a clear example of inequality at work, I don’t know what is.

 

Judging another persons’ sex life 

Ok, we’ve all done it. Unfortunately it seems to be part of human nature to judge other people. BUT we need to make sure that we’re judging people EQUALLY.

I’m kidding, this is my public statement saying that I will never judge another person on their sexual activity. As long as their not hurting anyone, of COURSE – and even then, what problem did judging somebody else ever solve?

 

Openly not doing “feminine” things 

This one is just silly. When I was younger I remember actively not doing things because they were deemed girly. Whatever gender you identify as, you should be able to wear giant pink fluffy everything or make up or a t-shirt that literally says “I’m a big masculine manly man” because clothes don’t mean anything. Objects do not contribute anything to your gender or who you are as a person 

 

Saying the words “I only hang out with guys”

Firstly, why I ever wanted to only associate with guys baffles me – not that I’m throwing shade at the “male race” but purely because it just seems so closed off and weird. That statement in itself confuses me but sadly, it used to be something that frequently left my mouth.

It really gets me down that there was a time in my life where I would instantly assume I wouldn’t get on with a “girly girl.” Because it’s one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard.

Roxane Gay actually says something that perfectly epitomises what I’m trying to say in Bad Feminist:

If you’re the kind of woman that says “I’m mostly friends with guys and act like you’re proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something and less of a woman, as if being a woman is a bad thing…it’s okay if most of your friends are guys but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul-search a little.” 

I’d definitely recommend reading the article that this quote comes from, It’s fantastic. We need to stop the toxicity and competition in our friendships and accept that we’re all fabulous.

ALSO, while I’m ranting – on a slightly unrelated topic – there is a meme that circulated a year or two ago about girls that are only friends with guys. You may have seen it, the woman with hot dogs in her mouth? Maybe I’m just being a negative nelly and not taking a joke but did it annoy anyone else that this makes the assumption that a woman can’t be friends with a group of men without engaging in sexual activity with all of them? As if – oh I don’t know – women were sex objects. I could have completely misread it, but I figured there’s no better time for me to have this rant.

 

Feeling uncomfortable about doing things that are typically aren’t “feminine” 

The best example of this that I can think of is when I was younger and I felt really uncomfortable eating large amounts of food in front of other people. Or being messy or gross in any way. As if it was a strange thing to do because I’m a petite, polite lady. Luckily I got over that and frequently shovel mass amounts of food into my mouth for all to see – throwing it everywhere and causing a huge mess of course. (You’re welcome.)

But this is completely the same for hobbies, media, sex – the list goes on and on (and it shouldn’t exist.)

 

Not knowing what to do around a crying man 

…as if it were any different to comforting anybody else. This is something that I think needs a lot more attention in our society. Men have been emotionally repressed for far too long and the idea that’s emasculating to cry is ridiculous. Similarly, the idea that it’s hysterical for anybody to cry is. We are all human, everybody needs a good cry sometimes.

Gender equality still has to come a long way and although it’s undeniable that things are better than they were – I think we all need to continue to work towards building a society in which everybody is equal, regardless of their gender, race or any other construct that seems to segregate us even though we are all human.

 

 

PSA: You are good at being an “adult.”

In the fear of exclusivity I feel that it’s important to mention that obviously not all of these things are do-able for everybody – life is cruel and just outright unfair at times. But if you’re doing at least one of these things, take pride in your accomplishments and remind yourself that you are moving forward

You’re on your way home from work, you’re tired, frustrated and questioning when your life became so utterly draining. You think back to a time of pure bliss, running around in the sun all day – eating colossal amounts of junk without a care in the world. What’s were the worst things in your life? Being #6 on your BFFL’s myspace top friends and knowing you’ll have to eat cauliflower for dinner. Bliss. Although I think we can all agree it didn’t feel that way at the time.

We all have these days, cursing adulthood. Are you doing enough? Are you seeing enough? Is your life flashing by before your eyes whilst you’re spending everyday sitting in the same place, watching the same TV shows and drinking in the same pubs? Well, yes. Yes it probably is. Which is exactly why I think it’s important to take pride in the little things – the achievements you make every single day. Signifiers that you are actually pretty good at this adulting thing.

So with this I ask you to close down Instagram, stop overthinking the future and take a second to sit and think about how good you are at life.

Paying Rent – 

Ah yes, rent. The evil word we wish we could all avoid for as long as physically possible, because realistically who actually wants more than a third of their monthly earnings taken from them to fulfil their basic human needs? It’s ridiculous. Yet, unfortunately unavoidable.

The fact that you’re paying your rent and bills each month is brilliant. Annoying, yes. But also pretty impressive if you ask me.

Eating real food – 

I had strange realisation the other day which sparked this entire post – I could eat cookies for dinner. I’m completely in charge of my own life and wellbeing, if I wanted to, I could eat sweet treats for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Instead I make sure I eat my five-a-day, I bought a blender to improve my everyday diet, I USE CHIA SEEDS. ADULT.

Forgiving friends and letting things go – 

Do you remember being in secondary school and falling out with your friends every other week for completely stupid reasons? Maybe you sat next to somebody else on the bus during a school trip and it caused an explosive argument? *still apologising for this one 8 years on – it was just one bus journey Sammy, forever sorry, love me*

Anyway, noticing that these silly fall outs are irrelevant and learning to not sweat the small stuff is important in the art of growing up – otherwise nobody would get along. Oh, wait.

Leaving the pub after one drink – 

Obviously this is still something I’m terrible at and I don’t mean for one second that having alcohol related fun makes you any less of an adult. Embrace the pub. Have a jagerbomb for lunch. Whyever not! BUT on the rare occasions that you actually have something important to do the next morning, controlling that little person that tells you to do shots and going home early is an achievement if ever I saw one. 50 extra points if it’s a full on party. 100 if the person you fancy is there.

Crawling into work hungover –

On the flipside – we all find ourselves going out for one drink, walking home singing and preparing a questionable sandwich on a Wednesday night. Are you useless at work the next day? Of course. But did you call in sick? No, you didn’t! Because you’re an adult who appreciates their job. Proud of you!

Applying suncream

I learnt this lesson the hard way, with a white circle outlined on my chest after standing in a line to enter Boomtown for hours. Attempting to sleep in a tent with a completely burnt torso is NO FUN. Drink all the gin you can stomach and I promise you, you will still feel uncomfortable trying to drift off – not to mention everything will be covered in suncream because you learnt from your mistakes TOO LATE.

Wearing suncream without it being forced upon you is not only responsible but incredibly sensible. Classic adult behaviour.

Edit: have not learnt from my mistakes. Spent hours on the beach earlier with completely bare skin. Luckily living in England.

Understanding that everybody is different – 

I think it’s easy as a child to get confused about why things aren’t going your way and why people respond differently to everyday situations. Learning that everybody is a sum of their own individual experiences and using this to improve your own impressions and mentalities of different people is great.

Buying things you don’t actually want – 

Recognising that although you don’t want to spend £6 on cough medicine, it will make you feel better so you probably should is fantastic adulting. Who actually wants to buy a hoover? Nobody! Of course we’d rather spend our money on trainers – but we don’t. Why? Because we’re adults. Or, perhaps you get both because you’re unaffected by today’s crippling economy and housing crisis. Lucky.

Big up yourself, you may still feel like a teenager, getting drunk and singing classic Britney might give you the most joy in the world and that’s okay! Just remember on those bad days, you’re doing well!

Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

Every January 1st people awake thinking “this is my year, I’m not going to do all of the horrible unhealthy things I did last year. Somehow in the past 12 hours I am new. I am different. And I will be better.” Gyms are flooded with people, Holland and Barrett run out of stock and Nutri Bullet make enough money to last them until the next New Year.

But come January 12th we’re all back to our old selves; inhaling chocolate because it’s all we’ve been thinking about for 12 days. We’re a very greedy species, we indulge far too often and let’s be honest – we don’t really care. So I’m here to give you ideas for realistic resolutions, perhaps this year it’s best to set goals that you know you can complete. You can save yourself from the disappointing reminder that you’re a terrible human being that procrastinates too much and will never be able to get through the week without a glass of wine.

Drink more

It’s important to support independent businesses and your local pub is just as good as that random health food shop you always say you’ll shop at but constantly fail to. You may think that partaking in dry January is a fantastic idea but the truth is, alcohol is good for the soul and down time is just as important as working.
Keep spending that hour on your phone in the morning

Yes, I suppose social media is ruining our conversations. Sitting in bed for an hour every morning scrolling through apps like a zombie probably isn’t productive. But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you’ve got to get the likes. How else will you measure your self worth in this cold, plastic society?
Keep drinking very little water

Being hydrated is probably overrated anyway and let’s be honest, you don’t have time to keep going to the toilet during your busy day. Keep telling yourself that the health benefits of drinking water are a myth. You’ll be fine!
Ensure you have 6 hours sleep every night

8 hours is far too much, you don’t want to be too well-rested in the day. You need your lack of sleep and dependency on caffeine to stay alert and be at your best performance! This will also give you more time to watch more trashy television and ridiculous YouTube videos.

Eat any (vegan) food that you want  

I don’t know how many times I have to say food is love before the world agrees. Restricting calories and going on silly diets will only make you unhappy. Who wants to sit at work all day dreaming about pasta to go home and eat a salad? You’re only gonna snack afterwards. Do yourself a favour, eat the pasta. Or if you really want to do better this year, eat a pasta salad.
Avoid the gym

You’ve walked to the pub, you’ve done some pretty brilliant drunk dancing. You’re good for the week! You don’t want to tire yourself out before work tomorrow.
Remain happy in your messy room

Tidying is futile, it will just get messy again in a few days. Save yourself some time and live peacefully amongst the chaos. PLUS messy people tend to be more intelligent…this random article says.

Cancel that yoga class

We all know you’re only going to go once and there’s no point getting to know people just to let them down. Maybe try and do a yoga YouTube tutorial at some point this month. That’ll do!
Watch more Peep Show

I have nothing satirical to say about this, it’s just a brilliant resolution that we should all work towards.