Heartbreak must be one of the worst things that a human can face, it’s an obscure feeling that completely consumes you. The person that has hurt you becomes everything, you see them in bars that you visited together, the mutual friends you share – their favourite breakfast option.
However, if you’re blissfully happy, you’re probably reading this thinking I’m an idiot. If there’s one thing we can be certain of it’s that we have all been there – and we have all thought that it would be the end of us.
LUCKILY because it’s so common to be dumped and depressed – there are many solutions to this problem. Often in the form of music, alcohol and if you’re sad like me, a lovely little poem. (If you haven’t already, check out Rupi Kaur, suddenly every piece of sadness you’ve ever felt will rear it’s ugly head and then magically dissolve away)
I’ve wanted to write something like this for a long time but was unsure that the tone would be correct, I think it’s always better to write things whilst reflecting on a situation, as opposed to in the heat of the moment. If you’re showing it to the public anyway.
So without further ado, here are my words of wisdom – my break up cheat sheet, if you will:
Find an album that you can relate to and listen to it as often as you like
If nothing springs to mind right now, borrow mine. Made of Bricks has gotten me over every crush, boyfriend and particularly upsetting deaths of favourite TV characters in the past 10 years. Get on board, you can never listen to Foundations too much.
Spend as much time as you can with your friends & remember that they’re only trying to help you
Naturally you’re going to feel upset when they are saying that the person you love isn’t worth your time, but you must remember that they’re your people and have nothing but your best interests at heart. AND in two months you’ll be agreeing with them.
Stop looking through old pictures, obsessing over memories shared and questioning what went wrong
You’re not helping yourself and you’re certainly not finding answers – so just stop. You’ll feel a hundred times better and deep down you know that too.
The most important thing you can do right now is find the version of you that believes they are fabulous. After all of the drinking, junk food and shower neglect of course. A friend of mine dyes her hair after break ups – it works. Give it a go.
Get a routine
Find a new routine that works for you, distract yourself when you need to and start doing things that will make you feel great. Appreciate the fact you have more time to yourself, see your friends and do the things that you love (especially if your partner didn’t really enjoy them so much.)
Ignore their social media channels
Nobody wants to see the person they’ve broken up with moving on blissfully. It’s just a cold, hard fact of life.
Sidenote: If you are looking, remember that people only want to show the best of themselves online.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you have any contact with them if you are drunk
Even if you “feel great” and you “just need to tell them one last thing.” It’s stupid. You’ll regret it. Trust me.
Think about seeing other people, but only if you’re ready
Try not to rush into anything before you’re truly ready to, it might make you feel worse in the long run – and you could end up hurting somebody else.
Also, I learnt from a week of Tinder that sometimes it can be a confidence boost, often it’s just another thing that makes you question what is wrong with the human race.
Remember your self worth
Most importantly, you must learn to love yourself again. Don’t give away everything you are to somebody that can’t see you. Remind yourself daily that you have felt this pain before and you will get over it again. That if somebody is going to hurt you, they have never deserved you.
Basically all of the stuff that you think is nonsense when you’re happy – but you need to hear when you’re sad.
Just focus on getting back to yourself and look forward to the day you can scream I AM EVERYTHING and actually believe it.