Climbing Out of a Rut

Everybody has bad days. Get ready for a babble. 

I’ve been neglecting this blog more than ever recently, just when I thought I couldn’t get any worse (sorry blog I do love you I promise.) I’ve been in that hideous process of writing something, deciding it’s naff and deciding it will never see the light of day. Funnily enough the last post that I had drafted was about positivity and optimism for the future. Naturally this was before I had a two month holiday from life.

I decided earlier this year to move out of London, leave my job and take some time to actually enjoy my life. After years of deadlines, budgeting and an ever-increasing addiction to caffeine, I thought it was only best I had a break. I saved more than I ever thought I could, booked two trips and decided it would be a great idea to get drunk in a field for four days (it was.) So at the end of July I packed up my stuff and moved back to my hometown, excited for my working class gap year.

Since the beginning of August I have laughed more than I ever thought possible, had everything stolen from me for the first time in my life (glitter included – don’t cry for me) and finally decided that I am not afraid of flying. I’ve jet-ski’d in the Mediterranean, travelled around the most beautiful country I’ve ever seen and finally found a vegan chocolate croissant. It’s been perfect.

However, the holiday blues are so real.

Returning to real life has been a massive awakening that I am in a rut. I didn’t want to share negativity on my blog, I think everybody wants to appear as a ray of sunshine on the internet. Unfortunately I find this incredibly therapeutic and am certain I’ll end this on a positive note. Anyway, I have fallen into a typical early-twenties quarter life crisis, questioning my own success and whether I’m ever going to be able to use my degree – you know the drill.

I woke up this morning and wanted to sleep all day. I lay in bed thinking about who I am and what I need to do to even begin feeling better about my life, hopeless, sad thoughts filled my brain. Fortunately, I literally have no time to mope. My overdraft will not allow it. I crawled out of bed and began scrolling through rejection emails, sipping at a disappointing cup of tea and wondering when I became such a negative loser. Then I received a phone call from a very kind lady offering me a job. A job that has absolutely nothing to do with my degree or my ever-diminishing dreams but a job none the less. A beacon of hope that was much needed to pull me out of my funk.

Naturally I whacked on my fav gal Amy and began writing this blog post. I already feel better. Writing this, or anything for that matter has been the biggest issue. I’ve been in such a slump, feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing to help the situation. I hate feeling down and luckily I eventually get bored of pitying myself.

I know that this probably makes no sense and I’ve just babbled about first world problems for 600 words but what I’m trying to say is that I’m so aware that everything is going to be okay. I have the upmost faith in my ability to pull myself out of this rut and I can’t thank my beautiful friends enough for being there to give me a hand.

I’m sure the next time I post on this blog – hopefully not three months from now – I’ll be back to my cheery old self and will ramble about puppies. But for now, thanks for listening to me moan.


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